Overcoming Regrets (‏ (11/8/10

Shalom,

 

    Please begin by reading 2 Cor 7:8-11.

 

    Don't you sometimes wish you could go back and replay the past?  I believe every single one of us has this dream occasionally.  Don't you daydream about going back and talking yourself out of a bad choice or into a good one?  I don't believe any of us would turn down an opportunity to go back and warn ourselves against taking the bad turns we've chosen on the road of life.  This is because we've all experienced regret in our lives, and regret takes many forms.

     Regret over marriage.  Too many of us try to imagine how much happier life would have been if we'd married someone other than the person sitting next to us.  Or what if we'd never married that person we're divorced from?

     Regret over all kinds of broken relationships within our families and friends.

     Regret over bad career moves, missed business opportunities, poor vocational choices.

     Regret over mistakes we've made in raising our children.

     Regret at not following Yahweh's call to ministry, his call to be a missionary, at not answering his call to salvation sooner.

    I hope I haven't caused you to have a relapse in overcoming these feelings.  If you do spend too much time rehashing the "what if's" and "if only's" about your life, you're not trusting Jesus enough.  He wants to set us free from these hindrances.  He wants us to use these painful memories to improve ourselves and to cause us to earnestly do better from now on.

 

    Now, as we read, sorrow over sin can be healthy, up to a point.  It can help us learn from our mistakes so that we don't repeat them.  Hopefully, we've all experienced the good side of the "sadder but wiser" syndrome.  This can lead us to repentance and forgiveness.  When we allow the Holy Spirit's conviction to lead us to healing and deliverance, we'll be blessed and drawn closer to our Savior.

    However, regret is anything but helpful or healthy.  It's destructive and debilitating.  It allows the sins and mistakes of the past to reach out and poison our present.  It causes us to look back at what went wrong instead of seeking our Lord's guidance and direction to a better future.  And if it's not handled properly, it will just lead to more wrong choices and more regret.  It can become a very vicious cycle.

    2 Cor 7:10 says it well.  "For God can use sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin and seek salvation.  We will never regret that kind of sorrow.  But sorrow without repentance is the kind that results in death."  For instance, people will respond to regret by trying to undo the consequences of their past choices in ways that are illegitimate.  A man or woman decide they've married the wrong person, so they divorce their spouse and marry someone else, leaving a shattered family behind.  Often, they'll find that the second spouse isn't the "right one" either, and many even continue repeating this vicious cycle of divorce and remarriage.

    How about a couple having sexual relations outside of marriage and the woman becomes pregnant?  They're scared and filled with doubt about the future so they listen to the lies from our culture and seek an abortion.  They try to undo what they've done through an abortion, even though in their hearts they know what they created together is a real human baby, not just a mass of cells.  And so the abortion creates more guilt and more regret.  The problem is that we can't undo our past, and we usually just make things worse when we try to.

 

    Regret is especially unhealthy when it leads to an attitude of hopelessness.  "What difference does it make anyway?  I've already messed up.  I've already destroyed God's plans for my life.  No matter how hard I work, I can never have anything better than second best.  So why even try?"

    The result of this kind of thinking is often a giving of ourselves over to sin.  "Why obey God?  Why follow him, or try to keep his commandments?  The good life he planned for me is out of reach, lost forever because of my sin.  I might as well get as much out of this life as I can."

    This kind of hopelessness is what the devil wants us to dwell on.  He keeps lying to us about how Yahweh can't forgive us anymore, that we've gone too far.  Don't believe him!  Our loving heavenly Father is waiting for us to come back home to him, just like the father of the Prodigal Son.  Read this parable again and encourage your soul.  Luke 15:24 shows us Yahweh's great love and mercy.  "This son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

    Regret can also lead to apathy, paralysis, and an unwillingness to seek Yahweh's blessing in our marriage or job or faith walk.  Why try to love your husband or wife or children when you know you've messed up Yahweh's perfect plan?  Why try to honor Yahweh with your career when you're in the wrong job anyway, when you know you should have obeyed the Spirit's call years ago and didn't?  We ask, "How can God bless me when I can never get back on the path of his will for my life?"

    Is that how you feel?  Do you worry that your sin has hopelessly ruined your "testimony," that the story of your life can never become what Yahweh intended?  The good news is that we don't have to be paralyzed by regret.  We don't have to let it rob us of the joy and hope Jesus promised us as our right and privilege as his followers.  There are promises of full and abundant life and joy for all followers of Jesus.  And they're not just for those who've never made a serious error in judgment or never committed a sin.  These promsies are for all Christians, whatever our past contains.  By the way, there are no perfect Christians, just a perfect Savior.

 

    So how do we get past our past and keep it from greatly hindering us?  How do we avoid being paralyzed by regret?  How do we stop grieving over what's wrong and get on with our lives?  Here's a prescription from Yahweh's Word.

    To begin with correct your theology.  Many people think that Yahweh has only one perfect plan for their lives.  They believe that as long as they stay on that perfect path by walking in obedience and seeking the Spirit's ongoing guidance for all major decisions, they'll enjoy Yahweh's best.  But if at any point they mess up badly enough, by sinning or making a foolish decision, then they believe they're out of the Father's perfect plan and they can never again enjoy his full blessing in their lives.

    Let me give you a highly intelligent theological response to that idea.  BALONEY!  That's not how it works.  Yahweh knows us intimately.  He knows everything about us.  He isn't surprised about anything we do because he's the one who gave us free will.  He knows we're going to mess up.  He knows we're going to sin.  He's already prepared to make adjustments and continue to call us to follow his perfect will for our lives.  He has an infinite number of perfect plans that begin at the next decision point.  Because each time we confess our sin and he forgives us, we have a clean slate which includes his perfect plan from that point of our lives.

    Yahweh's purposes are eternal.  His purposes for this world are eternal.  They don't change.  They aren't altered or voided because of our sins or our bad choices.  Even the worst, ugliest sins don't alter Yahweh's plans for his disciples.  Yahweh uses sinners (redeemed ones) to accomplish his purposes, because that's all he's got to work with.  He doesn't expect to find perfect people to carry out his plan, he transforms all us less than perfect people into righteous instruments in his hands.  What he wants is for us to strive to be perfect, to make our best effort at full submission and obedience to him.

    Yahweh is so much bigger and smarter and better prepared than any of us there's just no comparison.  When we get off the path of his will, he'll work hard to get us back on track.  Yes, we've all lost some ground and missed some opportunities.  But when we confess our sins and get back on track we're back in his will.  Doing his perfect will is what he always desires for us.  And when we're on track he's not hounding us about our past failures, he's encouraging us to stay the course.  The devil is the one trying to remind you of your failures.  Yahweh is trying to give you vision for a better future.

    The testimony of your life hasn't been ruined.  Yahweh's plan for your life isn't buried under the mistakes of your past.  He still has a wise and loving and God-honoring plan for each and every one of us.  Be free of your past, no longer weighed down by regret.  Remember, Paul said he was happy because the Corinthians "sorrow" led them to "repentance."  Don't wallow in the pain of regret over any part of your past, let the healing touch of your loving Father set you free with his grace and mercy.

 

    Blessings & Peace,    Mike